“DO YOU DESERVE TO DIE?”

(2017)

"Do you deserve to die"

"Yes"

If you had asked me this three years ago I would've said yes 

I would've said I'd completed the puzzle I've finished the quest

Now it's time to lay my head at rest 

Fighting with insecurities 

Having conversations with death 

Researching ways to say goodbye 

Picturing your wake 

How everyone would be better off without you, it seemed best. 

Window ledges.

Hospitals.

Therapist.

That pill bottle on the top shelf.

That letter I planned to leave behind.

Flash backs....constant flashbacks Every time I help someone else, every time  I hear someone's passed. 

Distractions. Distractions. Distractions.

Song writing.

Sports.

See I'd make a video but I'd just cry. 

When something takes over your life it leaves a wound only a miracle can completely heal. 

The kind that no prayer, scripture or speech can stop the bleeding.

" go to church feel blessed"

"Talk to your friends they know you best"

At some point you realise that you're the one in charge

The one that can steer your ship away from the sirens

 Away from the shore.

You had to find that place deep inside that still longs for hope.

Feed it with love, drown it in appreciation. 

There is no quick recovery, sometimes I ask myself if there will be 100% recovery.

Then realise if I don't try I'll never know.

You realise you need to stop hiding and start showing

You stop crying at try smiling

You don't stop hurting but you do start trying.