INFECTED

Like I’ve really tried to stop.

I just keep feeling like it’s all too much.

I don’t do pity so I don’t really talk up too much.

I’ve been doing this for years, everyday I wonder when it’ll stop.

I’ve gotten so much better, back to smiling a lot.

I’m just someone that can’t stand feeling overwhelmed, my first thought is to push it all out. 

To push away anyone or anything close enough to notice or trigger those kind of thoughts.

I’d rather them not see me at all than see me hurt.

I value each one I just have the pride of a dying dog, I’d rather bite off my leg than go to the vet.

Wild comparison but I hope you understood what I meant.

If I push you out then you don’t get infected, you don’t take on my stress.

So don’t take it personally, like I’d never wish you less than the best.

It’s always a temporary feeling which is why I don’t like to linger on it or stress.

I’ve been around so much positivity recently that I don’t even get my current mindset.

Take this as an apology if you felt like I pushed you away but sometimes I just need a day.

A day to myself, I don’t love you any less. Just need 24 hours to remember how much I love myself.